David Forrest: Stuck on the Outside
Photo by Fernando Jorge on Unsplash
The invitation:
we welcome you to share with our community your stories, news, and creative contributions in response to our theme – In Stuckness and Play.
What meaning do these words hold for you? Do you relate more to stuckness or play? Which one feels more familiar? Where is your discomfort?
Perhaps you were at the conference in June and had the opportunity to delve deeper into these polarities. If you want to share your experience, we would love to hear from you! And if you were not at the conference but you feel moved to respond to our theme, we welcome your contributions!
I was not at the conference as I was already committed to a residential workshop.
My immediate thought has been around the relatedness being promoted between Stuckness and Play. The introductory words are offering polarities ‘Stuckness and Play’ My other thoughts want to suggest play might itself be a stuckness showing in personality styles that see everything as a joke, or a frivolity , or always fun, or exciting.
I am considering Stuckness as a state of being, and Play not a state of being; rather it is an act of being. Therefore, is there an incompatibility, like comparing apples and oranges?
My stuckness in exploring this conference theme is that I don’t understand the situation, and the words don’t give me enough situational awareness to speak on the theme.
As I write this I realise how, through much of my life, I have been stuck from responding or acting because the language has, for me, been conflictual or contradictory in meaning.
Looking back at my childhood I recognise this example was an extreme of what I felt confronted with on a daily basis. I was considered pedantic, obsessive, picky, and stupid. My stuckness was a consequence of not knowing the situational language; I could not interpret the meaning or intent of the words. What I needed was an involved other, and to feel acceptable. This would allow me to feel safe and secure and consequently be able to question without shame; to explore with openness, appreciation and commitment. Involvement and acceptance requires an Other in a supportive Field; stuckness lacks a supportive relational presence.
In terms of polarities I am more familiar with the polarities of spontaneity and deliberation (Lobb et al p74). Deliberation involves the ability to recognise difference – of outcomes; of interpretations; of intent, of possibilities. Deliberation is to differentiate ground, and differentiate figures. However, along with the ability to differentiate, i.e., to deliberate, there needs to the security and safety to choose. Stuckness is a block against choice. A resultant of loss of choice is loss of spontaneity.
So, I am now moving to a position where I am making connections regarding stuckness, figure, ground. The action stage in the Gestalt Cycle, is Deliberation and stuckness prevents further processing. This stuckness is retroflected activity brought about by introject. For example, ‘you are stupid’ leads to inaction and deliberation is pre-empted ‘I can’t do this’ and the outcome is stuckness. Stuckness is a response to adverse experiences, at least, and more, a response to trauma. Consider, for example, a new client arrives, and you offer them a seat, with a chair and sofa available, the client is unsure of where to sit. Here is a first indicator that the need for deliberation was / is unfinished. There is an interruption of completion. This offers a suggestion there was a lack of support and safety to make their own choices; to have confidence in their own deliberations and conclusions; to have their choice validated and accepted. As an addendum point of interest – what do you do if/when they sit in ‘your’ chair?
Returning to the invite to see Stuckness and Play as polar I would suggest otherwise. The polarities are Deliberation and Spontaneity. Stuckness is an action that is symptomatic of being unable to act on deliberations at best, and an inability to differentiate, at worse. Thus Spontaneity, as polar, has Play as an action symptomatic of spontaneity.
At this point in my writing I notice the spontaneity in the flow of my words and recognise how I had first spent time deliberating on this first part. For the second part of my writing the intent is to look at Play. However in moving my figure of interest to Play I find myself stuck in how to proceed. My template from this first part shows how I might approach my discussion of Play, yet I am drawing a blank; I am stuck.
I conclude from this my discomfort is with Play; I am comfortable with Stuckness, or more accurately, I am more comfortable to deliberate.
In summary, I was excited with this conference theme and had hoped to participate, to Play with this theme in a relational setting with my peers. Prior commitments interrupted the opportunity to Play, so the invite in the newsletter to respond reignited my energies. In applying myself to this I soon became confused and unsure of myself leading to much more deliberation regarding how to proceed. I was feeling stuck and recognised a pattern of response shaped around the interrupted action leaving business unfinished. Evaluating the Stuckness and Play as a state of being and an act of being respectively allowed me reconfigure the theme to the polarities of Deliberation and Spontaneity with Stuckness and Play being symptomatic of the polarities.
In this process I was able to see my comfort to maintain a state of being that is deliberation, and refrain from acting spontaneously. On this I will deliberate more and at another time consider opportunities for spontaneous acts of relatedness and involvement.
References
Lobb, S., Cavaleri, M., Andrea, P. Psychopathology of the Situation in Gestalt Therapy: A Field-oriented Approach (Gestalt Therapy Book Series). Taylor and Francis. Kindle Edition.
David Forrest
www.gestaltuk.com
davidforrest@gestaltuk.com
I have practiced for 20 plus years in private practice as a psychotherapist and supervisor. I have run numerous workshop in this time and also taught Master level UKCP accredited psychotherapy training. My focus continues to be in providing the best of me in the service of my clients.
